Well, I have a platonic partner (we're not lovers; neither of us wants to live with a lover, but we don't want to live alone) and we hardly ever fight, but that's because we do what you do; we have conversations about problems, not fights.
I think that's a good thing. I think as long as the things that need to get communicated get communicated, and nobody is secretly nursing a grudge because they think the other person should JUST KNOW BETTER, everything's fine.
Most of the anger when couples fight comes from one of two things:
1) Honest communication has been tried and isn't working--because one or both partners don't actually listen, or they listen but they don't change their behaviour/do the thing that's been requested/pay attention to the feelings behind an unusually emotional request.
2) Someone's assuming their partner should JUST KNOW BETTER and waits and waits for the other person to realise this and when they don't, blows up.
In the absence of passive-aggression/fake caring and assumptions about how other people "should" think/behave/talk/know things, there's not any real need to blow up at anyone.
If I was having 8 fights a day with someone I'd move out!
I also wonder if some of these people don't regard bringing stuff up as fighting.
The only time Verity and I ever came close to fighting was when she was closing the lid of the toilet bowl and I kept asking her not to and she kept doing it and the cats broke the toilet seat. I was a little annoyed because I knew it was going to happen, but once she explained that she was on autopilot in the bathroom and the toilet seat cover was pretty, we got rid of the toilet seat cover and put a (very artistically done) message on top of the new toilet seat (calligraphy & Sharpies FTW) reminding her, and also guests, to leave the lid up when they left the bathroom (it's legit to close it when doing hair/makeup, who wants to drop lipstick in the toilet, but the cats WILL push it aside if they decide they want that water and one of them is big enough to break it).
But that was one of the very rare "I keep asking, you keep doing it anyway" scenarios and what I was really upset about was why she kept doing it anyway; once we figured out how to prevent that, there was nothing to be upset about.
And yes, I know there are toilet seat locks for babies and toddlers, but people on autopilot will mess up operating those, plus if for some reason we are trapped in another part of the Bay by an earthquake or other unforeseen eventuality, I don't want the cats to die of thirst before anyone finds them.
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I think that's a good thing. I think as long as the things that need to get communicated get communicated, and nobody is secretly nursing a grudge because they think the other person should JUST KNOW BETTER, everything's fine.
Most of the anger when couples fight comes from one of two things:
1) Honest communication has been tried and isn't working--because one or both partners don't actually listen, or they listen but they don't change their behaviour/do the thing that's been requested/pay attention to the feelings behind an unusually emotional request.
2) Someone's assuming their partner should JUST KNOW BETTER and waits and waits for the other person to realise this and when they don't, blows up.
In the absence of passive-aggression/fake caring and assumptions about how other people "should" think/behave/talk/know things, there's not any real need to blow up at anyone.
If I was having 8 fights a day with someone I'd move out!
I also wonder if some of these people don't regard bringing stuff up as fighting.
The only time Verity and I ever came close to fighting was when she was closing the lid of the toilet bowl and I kept asking her not to and she kept doing it and the cats broke the toilet seat. I was a little annoyed because I knew it was going to happen, but once she explained that she was on autopilot in the bathroom and the toilet seat cover was pretty, we got rid of the toilet seat cover and put a (very artistically done) message on top of the new toilet seat (calligraphy & Sharpies FTW) reminding her, and also guests, to leave the lid up when they left the bathroom (it's legit to close it when doing hair/makeup, who wants to drop lipstick in the toilet, but the cats WILL push it aside if they decide they want that water and one of them is big enough to break it).
But that was one of the very rare "I keep asking, you keep doing it anyway" scenarios and what I was really upset about was why she kept doing it anyway; once we figured out how to prevent that, there was nothing to be upset about.
And yes, I know there are toilet seat locks for babies and toddlers, but people on autopilot will mess up operating those, plus if for some reason we are trapped in another part of the Bay by an earthquake or other unforeseen eventuality, I don't want the cats to die of thirst before anyone finds them.