brigid | A letter to my child, regarding my ass. (Reply)

My wonderful, amazing, beloved, child:

You may have heard that I have eyes in the back of my head.

This is true! So don’t, you know, try anything.

However, I do not have eyes in my ass. Shocking, I know. This means that when I am standing at the sink washing dishes (a chore I hate, and thus you whining and moaning through the entire ordeal adds NOTHING to my joy) and you come up behind me and shove an open book against my ass repeatedly?

Yeah. Not helpful.

Sadly, I am unable to multi-task and both ensure the dishes are clean and won’t poison us with salmonella or e-Coli or whatever, AND read you “Mike Mulligan and his Freaky Machine Wife Named Mary Anne” yet again.

I’m working on this.

I promise.