We're close to our parents, but they live hours away. His parents are taking care of his grandmother and, as none of the rest of her children are nearby, they can come see us only rarely (prior to that they came about every 3 weeks). Mine are on the road a lot, but we have called them when we needed them and they were home.
But I'd love it if they moved to town, so we could go out to eat and leave L with grandparents. Growing up, my grandparents were in town for the summer on one side, and for a few weeks in our driveway (RV) on the other. I really want L's grandparents around long stretches sometime.
My dad has some health issues, and he's built a network of doctors he trusts. He doesn't want to leave that, and I can understand that--he spent decades finding them, and now that he needs them he doesn't want to start over. Nor can I really highly recommend the medical facilities down here. J's folks might come down, but I don't want to disrupt Great Gram's life and the community she has built up there at the end of her life.
We're both only kids. J has cousins but he's only met a few and they are no where near us and most of them are totally different. The ones we are most likely to get along with live in CA, so I don't know if we'll ever meet them. I have none. (If you hear me mention one, it's generic. Everyone in my family is cousin/aunt/uncle if they aren't parents or grandparents, and I know few of those).
We've somewhat intentionally started building L a family of non-blood relations. I just hope it lasts, and it's hard for me to pick up the phone and call. I've gotten to where I can do it when I NEED it (J is bedridden sick for a week, I need to wash my hair or I'm going to cry), or when it'd be incredibly useful and otherwise very stressful (watch him for a couple hours while we interview contractors?). But I don't feel like I can ask them to take them for an evening so we can go out to dinner. Which is something I can and do do with grandparents when they are around. If friends didn't all work full time, maybe that'd be easier, but they do.
Also, it's all new to me. I didn't know much of my family growing up, and my parents didn't go out a lot. I had a babysitter now and then, but we pretty much were an entity unto ourselves. I don't know how having a blood relative in town would work, so I'm completely adrift with non-blood, and most of them have blood families that are much larger. I'm very grateful that they've adopted my son as they have. J and I did have aunts/uncles, even if we didn't see them a lot, and L isn't even going to have that. There are NO relatives of his generation he'll ever know (unless something unexpected and I can't even imagine happens), and there really aren't any of my generation except J and I. L's likely to be an only child as well. Which I only feel bad about because the family has shrunk so very small.
I do hope the ties built last as he gets older. I don't want him to have just us. That's the problem with non-blood family. There isn't that blood tie to fall back on and dig up years later. It's just a agreement. Which can be stronger than blood, but it also can fade completely since it's created entirely by those involved.
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Date: 2013-08-31 03:04 am (UTC)But I'd love it if they moved to town, so we could go out to eat and leave L with grandparents. Growing up, my grandparents were in town for the summer on one side, and for a few weeks in our driveway (RV) on the other. I really want L's grandparents around long stretches sometime.
My dad has some health issues, and he's built a network of doctors he trusts. He doesn't want to leave that, and I can understand that--he spent decades finding them, and now that he needs them he doesn't want to start over. Nor can I really highly recommend the medical facilities down here. J's folks might come down, but I don't want to disrupt Great Gram's life and the community she has built up there at the end of her life.
We're both only kids. J has cousins but he's only met a few and they are no where near us and most of them are totally different. The ones we are most likely to get along with live in CA, so I don't know if we'll ever meet them. I have none. (If you hear me mention one, it's generic. Everyone in my family is cousin/aunt/uncle if they aren't parents or grandparents, and I know few of those).
We've somewhat intentionally started building L a family of non-blood relations. I just hope it lasts, and it's hard for me to pick up the phone and call. I've gotten to where I can do it when I NEED it (J is bedridden sick for a week, I need to wash my hair or I'm going to cry), or when it'd be incredibly useful and otherwise very stressful (watch him for a couple hours while we interview contractors?). But I don't feel like I can ask them to take them for an evening so we can go out to dinner. Which is something I can and do do with grandparents when they are around. If friends didn't all work full time, maybe that'd be easier, but they do.
Also, it's all new to me. I didn't know much of my family growing up, and my parents didn't go out a lot. I had a babysitter now and then, but we pretty much were an entity unto ourselves. I don't know how having a blood relative in town would work, so I'm completely adrift with non-blood, and most of them have blood families that are much larger. I'm very grateful that they've adopted my son as they have. J and I did have aunts/uncles, even if we didn't see them a lot, and L isn't even going to have that. There are NO relatives of his generation he'll ever know (unless something unexpected and I can't even imagine happens), and there really aren't any of my generation except J and I. L's likely to be an only child as well. Which I only feel bad about because the family has shrunk so very small.
I do hope the ties built last as he gets older. I don't want him to have just us. That's the problem with non-blood family. There isn't that blood tie to fall back on and dig up years later. It's just a agreement. Which can be stronger than blood, but it also can fade completely since it's created entirely by those involved.