I win all the parenting points.

My friend El dropped by the other day, which as always allowed me to dither about learning to knit (actual concern: that it will cause too much pain to my hands which have arthritis and carpal tunnel. Will this happen instantly, crippling me permanently the first time I pick up a knitting needle? PROBABLY NOT. So what’s preventing me from learning, other than my complete ability to follow a pattern, map, or instructions? Fear, I guess.) and then he taught me how to walk like a lady, a skill which I have never learned. I walk mostly like a dude and while I can maneuver in heels, I certainly don’t slink about like, say, Marilyn Monroe or Fran Drescher. He is a man of many and diverse talents.

He also has a daughter a few weeks older than Niko who isn’t as verbal as N is.

OBVIOUSLY this means I win ALL the parenting points forever. Where is my trophy? SURE she can sign more, SURE she can undress/dress herself, SURE she knows when she needs to potty and is probably just like two steps away from potty training, SURE she cleans up the living room by herself. WHATEVER. I win. Totally.

That’s how it works, right? It’s a competition, right?

In less ridiculous news, Niko added “cheese,” both word and sign, to his repertoire. I need to stop putting cheese on his plate at mealtimes and just wait for him to request it, because it seems to be something he only wants when he requests it, in the evening, after dinner, while I’m tidying up. Perhaps I should offer him some cognac as well. Some after dinner mints. I don’t even know.

Nesko removed the chairs from the sunroom entryway because he claimed he’d taught Niko not to touch the tree. Immediately after saying that he had to remind Niko that no, the Christmas balls are not toys. Later that day I investigated a quiet rustle and found that Niko had managed to strip garland off the tree without disturbing the ornaments. I put the chairs back. It looks less than classy, but at least the tree is safe from further predation.

We’re going berry picking at the first possible opportunity.

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