brigid | It’s universal, isn’t it? (Reply)

I volunteer two days a week with our neighborhood community center, tutoring ABE (adult basic education) math. In addition to ABE (of all types, not just math) tutoring, there’s also GED classes, computer classes, citizen classes, ESL classes, ESL, ABE, and literacy classes (not just tutoring), and conversation groups. There’s also bulletin boards that feature the work of the students in classes.

One of the boards has idioms, both in English/American and idioms common to the first languages the students speak, another has GED essay questions about school funding. And another board has essays about the birth of one’s first child.

They’re pretty heart breaking.

I mean, all the essays have a positive end, they’re about bringing home and living with a live baby. It’s not like a bunch of heart breaking essays about miscarriages and stillbirths. What’s heart breaking is how many essay writers had no clue what they were doing as parents. They didn’t have much help or support. They were overwhelmed and tired. Some of them had parents who came to stay with them and help show them what needed doing, but most of them didn’t. One person wrote about how she was all alone in the country and was unmarried and was “disappoint,” either disappointed or a disappointment, I’m not sure. Another wrote how she couldn’t tell if her newborn’s cries were because he was hungry, dirty, tired, angry, or what and she panicked. Often. Another wrote about grappling with depression (actually, she called it “the depression” and said it was “exciting” which is probably not the word she wanted to use and reminds me of the “may you live in interesting times” canard).

Parenthood is so scary, especially early on when babies are so fragile and so alien. It gets better with time and practice but those first few days/weeks/months are just… a whole different world. I’d almost forgotten. And I’m so, so glad I have the support I have.