How often do you fight?

[brigid]

If you’re married/partnered, how often do you and your partner fight?

I was reading a book about parenting and in a chapter in conflict resolution the authors mention a study where (heterosexual) married parents recorded every time they fought. Women recorded, on average, 8 fights while men recorded, on average, 7 fights. Per day. Which seems like a lot to me, even when I remember those misty halcyon days where I actually saw my husband every single day instead of the terrible overlapping work schedules where we don’t see each other awake for several days in a row every week because aughblarglefffffffffffffffff.

Now, I realize that “oh, but we don’t FIGHT! Ever!” is part and parcel of that whole “we’re SO SERIOUSLY BLESSED, our marriage is PERFECT, we just NON STOP HAVE FUN and ARE PERFECT and ARE BETTER THAN YOU” thing and I’m not going there. But Nesko and I rarely fight, even if you take spats like “OMG WHY DON’T YOU EVER CLOSE THE CABINET DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR” and “WHY DON’T YOU EVER DO THE LAAAAUUUUUUNDRYYYYYYYYYY” and “OMG STOP LEAVING YOUR SOCKS ON THE FLOOOOOOOOOOOOR” into consideration. We BRING STUFF UP, like, “Hey, honey? I’d really appreciate it if you could hang your wet towels on a hook to dry, instead of the bed frame. I worry the bed frame will warp/rust.” and “Sweetie, please stop leaving your boots in the door way where I will trip over them.” and “If you don’t fold and put away this laundry I WILL CUT YOU.” but it’s peaceful and just like… a conversation instead of an airing of grievances.

I don’t think we fight/argue/bicker even 8 times a WEEK.

Is there something wrong with us? With the way we communicate?

What do you think?

How often do you and your partner (or former partner!) fight?

What do you fight about?

Mirrored from Now Showing!.

Comments

[al_zorra]

Even the most difficult of the adjusting to marriage and expectations early years we never came close to that number of fights. Of course he was on the road a lot, but even so.

We did occasionally have a very serious disagreement and I'd get furious, and believe me I can stay angry for a very a long time (mom's training at work here) -- he came back from three weeks away, walked into the apt. and I glared at him, and he said, "I CANNOT BELIEVE you're still mad!" and I was, because he ducked dealing with all that was angering me. That may also be why we fought so little though -- is that he doesn't like confrontations.

But we've been together now for many years and we've arrived into that golden glow of years that you only get when you are together that long and you still love each other and share common goals and ideals and make each other laugh. We never fight, though we will disagree on some things. But it's never serious. We've come into very comfortable accomodations with each other's failings as well as each other's wonderful parts.

We can even write books together, books of history, and not even disagree very often ....

Love, C.