How often do you fight?

[brigid]

If you’re married/partnered, how often do you and your partner fight?

I was reading a book about parenting and in a chapter in conflict resolution the authors mention a study where (heterosexual) married parents recorded every time they fought. Women recorded, on average, 8 fights while men recorded, on average, 7 fights. Per day. Which seems like a lot to me, even when I remember those misty halcyon days where I actually saw my husband every single day instead of the terrible overlapping work schedules where we don’t see each other awake for several days in a row every week because aughblarglefffffffffffffffff.

Now, I realize that “oh, but we don’t FIGHT! Ever!” is part and parcel of that whole “we’re SO SERIOUSLY BLESSED, our marriage is PERFECT, we just NON STOP HAVE FUN and ARE PERFECT and ARE BETTER THAN YOU” thing and I’m not going there. But Nesko and I rarely fight, even if you take spats like “OMG WHY DON’T YOU EVER CLOSE THE CABINET DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR” and “WHY DON’T YOU EVER DO THE LAAAAUUUUUUNDRYYYYYYYYYY” and “OMG STOP LEAVING YOUR SOCKS ON THE FLOOOOOOOOOOOOR” into consideration. We BRING STUFF UP, like, “Hey, honey? I’d really appreciate it if you could hang your wet towels on a hook to dry, instead of the bed frame. I worry the bed frame will warp/rust.” and “Sweetie, please stop leaving your boots in the door way where I will trip over them.” and “If you don’t fold and put away this laundry I WILL CUT YOU.” but it’s peaceful and just like… a conversation instead of an airing of grievances.

I don’t think we fight/argue/bicker even 8 times a WEEK.

Is there something wrong with us? With the way we communicate?

What do you think?

How often do you and your partner (or former partner!) fight?

What do you fight about?

Mirrored from Now Showing!.

Comments

[untonuggan]

My partner and I went through a rough patch where there was a recurring theme of conflict (partly stemming from Bad Advice I was getting from external sources; it mostly resolved when I cut ties from advice givers and when we realized my partner had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD and we both learned how to cope with it in a healthier manner). But it's never been 8 times/day, and we've always used our words, treated each other with respect and not sarcasm/nastiness/yelling, used reflective listening strategies, made efforts not to hurt one another's feelings, etc.