Totally Effective Things I Say To My Kid: A List

[brigid]

Here is a list of totally effective things I say to my kid in an attempt to parent and discipline him:

• Hey!
• Stop it!
• Seriously, knock it off.
• Did you hear me?
• What did I just say?
• Why did you do that?
• WHY did you DO that?
• Is that a good idea?
• What do you have?
• OH GOD PUT THAT DOWN.
• I’m going to count to three.
• Is that a good decision?
• I’m going to eat your face.

Mirrored from Now Showing!.

Comments

[waldo]

Here's a list of totally effective things I say to my eleven year old students...


Hey!
Stop it!
Seriously, knock it off.
Did you hear me?
What did I just say?
Why did you do that?
WHY did you DO that?
Is that a good idea?
What do you have?
OH GOD PUT THAT DOWN.
I’m going to count to three.*
Is that a good decision?
Clearly you have no interest in going out for recess today.**


*Okay, full disclosure, usually I count *down* from either five or ten depending on what I need them to do RIGHT THE HELL NOW.

** Threatening to eat their faces would just cause WAY more chaos than I already have.

[brigid]

A slow count to 3 usually works fairly well, along with a threat to put something related to his transgression in time out.

Threatening to eat his face can usually turn a bad situation around because it's goofy and low pressure. I also pick him up and turn him upside down sometimes and he laughs and tells me he's furious but he's laughing. I wouldn't do that with someone else's kid though.

[waldo]

I can threaten to take away their computer, but the downside to that is I don't get my writing work. And they don't much care if you take away the rest of their books and things.

I couldn't turn my students upside down if I tried. Have I mentioned that I teach Amazon girls? When another teacher wrote at the top of my board today I had to get one of my 11 year old girls (who happens to be getting close to about 5 and a half feet) to erase it for me. And her friends aren't much shorter.

My boys are closer to my height, but I'd still say 75% of them are at least three inches taller than me.

[msmcknittington]

I am faintly surprised that "Did you just lick that [thing]?" isn't on there. Lucky you if your boy is not a licker of things.

[brigid]

He is starting to move past the licking of things stage, although he will sometimes lick a thing (the wall, my foot, a table top, the floor) just to get a rise out of me, I think.

[kayote]

What did you just eat?

comes out of my mouth way way more than I ever expected. And L isn't so much for stuffing random things in his mouth. Unless they are small and on the floor. Fuzz is apparently a delicacy, bonus points if it is sock fuzz.

[brigid]

WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH

and

GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF YOUR BUTT

get their fair play around here.

[msmcknittington]

I have told middle schoolers to stop licking each other. They do it just to be disgusting.