February is my month

[brigid]

Mirrored from Words, words, words, art..

February is my birth month. I’m turning 34 this year, on the 25th.

I’m very comfortable with my 30s, but lately I’ve been really feeling every year. Add this to my clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder and this rough winter (I suspect that, like a lot of people, I have SAD which is… really aptly named) and I’m having a lot of trouble taking care of myself lately. So this month I’m investing time and effort in self-care. A lot of it is really ridiculous stuff that most people don’t have trouble with, like remembering to take my supplements to help with my pernicious anemia and skin condition (they’re just pills! once a day! why can’t I consistently take them?) and putting athelete’s foot ointment on my toenails and feet twice a day. And then I get all frustrated at myself because really! This is baby stuff! How can I call myself an adult if I can’t manage to do this?

So I’m trying really hard to do that basic stuff, to take basic care of myself, because I deserve it and also my family deserves it, because I function better when I’m taking care of myself.

I’m also trying to work out more, especially doing exercises for my back. Because I feel better and function better when I’m not in pain.

The days are already getting longer and I’ve noticed my mood and energy improving. Hopefully this continues.

I spend a lot of my life feeling less than functional, less than. I really don’t like it, but it’s hard to scrape together the energy and will out of the dregs of exhaustion to make changes, to take control. It’s so much easier to just lie back and float, to spend as much time asleep as I can.

I’m also thinking of what I want to do for my birthday (and Niko’s birthday after). Right now, I’m tentatively planning on pizza and watching “John Dies at The End.”

You know, one year, I’d love to rent a theater and show a movie, have all my friends come and enjoy.

What would your awesome party entail?

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Comments

[untonuggan]

February! Best birth month ever! Well, okay, they're all good, but February birth month helps lighten up the gloom that is the cold of the end of winter. <3 (My birthday is on the 26th, btw. *g*)

My awesome party would involve going to a yarn store for some sort of shopping extravaganza that I did not have to pay for. With friends from the internet.

[al_zorra]

Yes! You deserve to take care of yourself. And feeling exhausted kind of comes with the territory of a terrifically active, curious three year old. Not that I'm denying SADs by any means, as I know it too, though not as badly as in earlier years, before I lived in New Mexico where winter was, at least then, barely a blip of a season. Spring in New Mexico is what sucked: dust and sand storms, all the wind!

Getting my brother to attend my birthday party. It would be held in New Orleans, where he would meet many of our best friends, from Mardi Gras Indians, teachers, carpenters, librarians, ethnomusicologists, community center activists, of all different ethnicities and backgrounds. It would be catered of course by VooDoo Bar-B-Que. There would be music and sillyness and it being New Orleans people would drink without apologizing for drinking. This should all make my brother feel comfortable enough to actually talk to some of the wonderful women his own age who would be there and know how to talk to shy guys.

My brother's wife unceremoniously walked out on him three years ago and is busyily attempting to take the house, his pension and get alimony of half his salary. Trust me on this: she deserves none of this. He even did all the child care when they bought the baby SHE had to have. In the meantime my niece has chosen to stay living with her dad, and visits her mom on her birthday and Mother's Day.

My birthday's next weekend. I shall be alone for both V-Day and the B-Day, as el V has a very nice paying gig in San Francisco over those days. So I am neither feeling put-upon nor complaining!

Love, C.