But mama, I like having beast hair.

[brigid]

I want you to imagine a helmet. A football helmet, maybe. Only without the face/mouth guard, so it just covers the head.

Now imagine that there’s hair all over that helmet, just shaggily covering it. You may have seen wigs like this, perhaps in the 1970s.

Now imagine that this thick helmet of shaggy hair has been licked in the back by a cow, so chunks of it are sticking up impervious to wettings and stern combings.

This is Niko’s head.

He is refusing all offers of hair cuts, and I could force him somehow I guess but that’s a violation of bodily autonomy I don’t want to engage in. Also, I don’t want to deal with a squirming, struggling four year old and a pair of scissors or clippers. That’s how you end up with a bald kid with only one eye, you know?

I’ve asked him about this and he proclaims loudly that he LIKES being a “chupo chupovee” (which is like… a hairy man of the forest? a yeti? some kind of forest priest? I don’t exactly know) and has told me that he LIKES “being a beast” and having “beast hair” because “I’m like a dinosaur with all my beast hair and this is how I’m like a dinosaur MAMA.” Like, duh, MAMA, don’t you know ANYTHING? And it’s not like I want to buzz his head, I just want to tidy up the back and around his ears. I’m secretly Wolverine’s long lost twin sister, short and hairy, so I know how tedious weekly haircuts can be. But darlings, this is not charming mussy toddler hair. This is an ill kempt pelt on his scalp and something has to change.

IN OTHER NEWS, we’ve been hitting up Wendy’s once a week prior to our grocery shopping trip. They have the BEST toys, stuff that’s not just plastic crap choking up the toybox/landfilf advertising some shitty kid’s movie/tv show/etc. They are currently offering a small Cranium game in 4 parts. The containers for the game fit together and make a multi-colored game, and each hold a different component of the game. We’ve got a word game with letter dice, an art game with clay and a crayon, and an activity game with a spinning top timer. There’s one more to get. Niko and I played with it this morning while Nesko slept in a bit and it was a lot of fun. Some stuff is too advanced for him, but it was easy to skip or modify those activities. Playing board games/game nights are a big part of our social life, so it’s really cool to have interactive kid games that are fun for adults too. Other faves of his are “don’t break the ice” (kind of boring for adults), block head (a stacking game that’s short and pretty fun), and topple (which he calls “topples” and which we don’t follow the rules for, we just goof around). While we were playing I used the little purple crayon to draw Niko’s face and shoulders on the big piece of paper we were using. He knew right away it was meant to be him, which would be really ego-stroking except like most 4 year olds he thinks he’s the center of the universe and thus all drawings are somehow of him or related to him. He requested I draw a troodon “biting on my head and eating my head and my hair” and I did so, drawing a cartoonish troodon attacking and biting his head and he cooed and awwwed the entire time commenting on how cute it all was. Because obvos dinosaurs taking big bites out of your skull is just ADORBS, am I right? BRB contacting Cute Overload.

Mirrored from Now Showing!.

Comments

[brigid]

Yeah, he already is pleased that he can classify humans as mammals.