I think I figured out why I don’t “get” TWILIGHT

[brigid]

Mirrored from brigidkeely.com/wordpress.

I love vampires so hard, guys. I really do. I’ve been really into vampire literature since I was 11 or 12 (before that it was werewolves), so on the surface books like Twilight seem like a perfect match, right? It’s Vampires! And they interact with the world! But there’s this “older, more physically and socially powerful man grooming/stalking/courting a younger, less powerful woman” theme that I hate. I’ve always hated it, and it is RIFE in YA lit, in fact pretty much all literature, aimed at women.

Most of the women I know have been sexually assaulted, molested, and/or raped. While some of the perpetrators were the same age or younger, or were female, most of them were older men who spent time grooming them, stalking them, and manipulating them. I don’t know if the women I hang out with are unusually unlucky, if broken people attract each other, or if they just talk about shitty stuff that’s happened to them more than other women do. The Powerful Older, More Experienced Man trope may be sexually thrilling in fiction, but in real life it’s freaky as fuck; and it’s something that’s touched my life both directly and indirectly. When I was 17 I was sexually assaulted at work by coworker with seniority, who had laid down a ground work of intimidation and silencing action ahead of time. Two of my girlfriends, both under the age of 18, had been raped– one by a boyfriend, and one by somebody she grew up calling “uncle.” The boyfriend’s stalking ended after a year of threats; the uncle encouraged the second girl to tell because “nobody would believe her anyway.” Both young women had powerful, assertive men roll up in their lives, treat them specially, “watch them sleep” as it were, and then fuck their shit up.

It’s a fantasy I can’t get behind. I’ve seen it play out in real life, and it’s pretty twisted. A guy who’s interested in you and climbs a tree to peek into your bedroom generally isn’t checking to make sure you’re safe. In real life, he’s likely to send you a photo of your room with a note saying he knows where you sleep at night. It’s a threat. He can get you at any time.

You aren’t safe.

It isn’t very sexy.

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Comments

[sara]

Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes.

One of the things I want most for my daughter is that she not know this the way I and so many of the women in my life and family have.

[brigid]

Yeah.

I get that a lot of women have rape fantasies, and they're about letting go and blah blah blah they're healthy blah blah that's great! I'm glad they have active fantasy lives!

But a lot of the stuff being pushed on women, especially young women, in the media? Is really gross. Stalking behavior presented as romantic.

[sara]

I wish I could remember where I was reading earlier today some stats about the sexual assault rate for women 16-19 years old. It's about one in three.

Oh, and I could only narrowly refrain from comment when a 12-year-old we knew at church was big into Twilight. I just wanted to sit her down and say, "Now honey, we have got to talk about how fucked up this is, and if a boy is ever like this with you? You know you can come to me. And the cops."

[brigid]

I found out recently that the creepy-as-all-fuck neighbor down the street had molested like half the neighborhood kids. Like, literally half. It was a small neighborhood, but still. The guy always freaked me out, as did his wife, and I knew some of the kids had been molested and were acting inappropriately towards other kids, but I never made the connection until the other day when I found out what his success rate actually was. Motherfucker.

[brigid]

Yeah.

And given my past, and my... uh... lack of fitting into society/knowing what's appropriate... I always figured it was me. I actually had to have a friend sit me down and explain WHY young women like older men characters as romantic leads in YA lit directed at girls (something I hated as a kid/teen. why throw a dude in there? who needs a boyfriend? KICK ASS ON YOUR OWN, DAMMIT!) So I'm kind of... I don't know. Not ENJOYING the negative reactions to Twilight per se, but feeling less left out as more and more people have similar reactions to it.

[ankaret]

Holy crap, I think I've put your finger on at least part of why I can't stand YA. Brilliant post.

[ex_xo956]

i like this entry. it's very insightful. i remember thinking phantom of the opera was so romantic - it was so romantic that someone was pursuing her so desperately - until it happened to me. and it was coming from someone i did NOT want pursuing me. and it was no longer romantic. it was in fact, terrifying. and the idea that he didn't want me to be with the one i WAS with was very distressing.

so i agree with you about this movie - this kind of behavior is only attractive when it's actually wanted.

i found you through the /latest feed and i'm subscribing cos i like the way you write. i don't take it personally when people don't subscribe back. ;)