The fantasy of being someone else

[brigid]

Mirrored from brigidkeely.com/wordpress.

Kate Harding’s piece on The Fantasy of Being Thin is a really important piece that more people should read. It’s a fantasy I’ve succumbed to myself, both in relation to weight and other things. My life will just be perfect when I finally…loose weight, clear up my skin, find the perfect way of organizing my closet, find the perfect lipstick, find the perfect book shelf, start baking my own bread, get a better job, learn to drive, get a different hair cut, buy better clothing, live in a different building.

If I could just change everything about my life, everything about me, if I could just become unrecognizable and completely different, then I can finally do all the things I want to but am afraid of. Then I can finally be happy.

I used to spend a lot of money on products I never used, mostly make up and skin care and hair stuff. It was like… shouldn’t owning these things count for SOMETHING, even if I don’t actually use them, or only use them sporadically, or use them and then take a shower to wash them out again because I don’t know HOW to use them so just look like crap? I’m making the token effort, here! I’m being an appropriate consumer! Doesn’t that count?

I’ve been fidgety and anxious about my hair lately. About six months after I gave birth, it started dropping out in fist fulls and clumps; a fairly normal post-birth experience that is nonetheless freaky as all hell. I went and got my hair cut from mid-back to jawline. The hairdresser called me “brave.” Then she asked about the bald spots. The shorter hairstyle helped a lot. There was less hair clogging the drain, less hair forming tumbleweeds that drifted forlornly across the floor, less hair for Niko to grab and yank. And it dried faster, out of the shower. It’s down to my bra straps now, and I’m torn between continuing to grow it out and getting it cut short. Very short.

The problem with me and short hair is that my hair, like my nails, grows very very fast. This means that unless I oil my nails regularly, they are very dry and brittle; and this means that it’s very expensive for me to keep a short hair cut maintained. I’d need to go in every two weeks or so or I’d start looking weedy and shaggy. And unlike curly hair which can be very forgiving of home cuts, my hair is very straight (except for the hair that fell out and grew back in) and shows mistakes very, very clearly.

I’m getting to the point. Bear with me.

Someone on my friendslist posted about a haircut recently, very short, with slightly longer bangs. See, you keep the bangs a bit longer, and can play with them and style them. It’s a style that I like. It’s a style I’ve thought of getting before. It’s a style I was lusting after during our recent heat waves where my hair went a week once without ever being dry (it was either damp from the shower or damp from sweat almost the entire week; it was AWFUL). It’s also a style that, to look its best, to look “on purpose,” needs styling and product.

And how likely am I to purchase and use product? To spend time on my hair other than dragging a comb through it and then pulling it back with an elastic?

Do I really want this hair cut, or do I want to be the kind of person who can get a short, edgy hair cut and look good in it, and who has the time and know-how and interest (and money) to maintain the hair cut? Is this where I am, or is this where I want to be because I’m unhappy with something much bigger about where I am?

I’m not sure. I think it’s the latter.

But I need to start living in the now and the reality and stop chasing after the fantasy. What I am, what I have, isn’t bad. I need to take better notice of that.

Comments

[elsbethrenee]

Hi, nice to meet you. :)

Honestly, I go through this cycle every once in a while...it's usually when I end up changing hairstyles, lol. What I have found is that hair is just hair, and it grows out (mine also grows reeeally quickly). So, since this summer was my last chance to do something outrageous with my hair with no professional consequences, I got an almost-mohawk, even though I generally do nothing with my hair. One lovely thing about mixed-length cuts (I've done the long bangs/pixie back and sides thing, too) is that, if you decide not to maintain it (too much work, whatever), it tends to grow out well.

If you do decide to do something different with your hair, I would recommend going to a good stylist. When you call to make an appt, ask for someone who specializes in your [thick/thin, coarse/fine, straight, etc.] hair. Then, talk to your stylist about the ideas you have and how to make those work with your hair and effort level.

I don't mean to push you into this decision at all. It's your decision. But, I've generally found that people are shocked by their abilities to carry a rocking cut. Most of my friends who have taken the plunge have gotten confidence from this action that transfers to lots of other areas of their lives. Sometimes, I think we do need a kick in the pants to get out of a rut. (Sorry for the mixed metaphors...)

Good luck, whatever you choose!

[brigid]

I can't afford a good stylist, which is part of the problem.

I think we're going to get a good set of clippers, and I'm going to get a "real" hair cut at Local Chain Place, and them I'll maintain it at home with the clippers and a pair of scissors for the bangs.

I have cut my hair short before, from a just below the ears bob to short-layered in the back (like an inch) angling down to longish (jaw length) in the front. But that looked like grown out weedy crap in a week and a half, as great as it looked at first. I loathe the growing out stage so much. SO MUCH. The last time I got a short cut, I wound up wearing a green wool cap every single day for four months. (Ok, ok. My office was unusually cold so I needed the warmth, AND I was trying to clean my hair without shampoo and it wasn't going well. There were extenuating reasons. But also my hair looked like a tumbleweed.)