brigid: Two adults and a child, wearing gas masks, peer into a pram. (anxiety)
Around 9:00pm last night, while it was raining heavily, I heard what sounded like people in the foyer of our two flat, talking in (unaccented) English. That was a bit alarming as the other family who lives in our building speaks Spanish. The kids speak English, but they don't sound like adult men; the adults in the family, and their friends, either speak very heavily accented or no English. I am not used to hearing people speaking English in my building unless it's my immediate family.

Extra alarming was the fact that they were talking about a stabbing.

"Why'd you go and stab me?"

"I didn't stab you."

"Yeah you did."

I crept to the door and tried to peer through the peephole but couldn't see anyone. I don't know if they were actually in the apartment or just on the sidewalk immediately outside the door. I heard their voices drift away and didn't call 911 because... I've called 911 before and not gotten a response. I've also lived someplace else where a dude regularly made phone calls at 3:00am right outside our bedroom window, where he'd scream threats of stabby murder into the phone for half an hour, 45 minutes, or so. At least, I think he had a phone.

Around 9:30 I heard more (male, speaking unaccented English) voices outside, including someone shining a very bright narrow beam flashlight around. Someone asked "is this the place?" and someone else said "I don't know, I can't see an address." Someone said "there's blood everywhere." I heard the crackle of a radio and a car drove the wrong way down the street (I could see the headlights), something that pretty much only cops do. So these were cops. Probably. Except there's a history of people trying to gain entry to buildings in this neighborhood by pretending to be cops, the FBI, or city workers. Nobody tried to come in. After they left I scampered downstairs, found the front door was unlocked (!!!), peeked outside and saw reddish brown liquid all over the sidewalk, and nearly gave myself a heart attack trying to close and lock the door before OMG DISASTER!!!!!!!

I called our precinct to inform them of the stabbing and ask if there had been actual cops on my property or not. I was told that no cops had been out there (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but then after I gave the cross street (instead of just the address) the guy I was talking to said "Oh, wait, no. They're bringing the perp in now."

I called Nesko at work a little after 10:00. A few minutes after that, someone started POUNDING ON THE DOOR LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TO BEAT IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wa ha hey! I know that that's the absolute best way to get me to open the door, after someone's been stabbed on my doorstep! right? Sound like you're trying to break the fucking door down you can bust your way in and stab more people! I almost died. I also went down to check shit out.

Our front door is a lovely old thing that features a giant pane of glass in the middle. You cannot sneak up on that door. You cannot monitor who is down there without being seen. I have never felt so exposed by that door. The dudes standing outside were wearing cop clothes, though, so I let them in and gave a statement. It was still raining heavily.

I knew what time the guys had been arguing outside because I mentioned it in a chat with someone and it was time stamped. Nerd.

The cops checked out the stairs, asked some questions, left. Nesko got home. I went to bed. He said the cops came back "after I went to bed" (so around midnight) and took photos. So 3 hours after the incident, in the rain. I don't know what help they'll be.

I'm still shaken.

I know our neighborhood isn't crime free. There's gang activity, the occasional mugging, that sort of thing. I live in a big city, and I live near disputed gang territories. The first murder of the new year happened in my neighborhood. But I've never felt unsafe before, not really, and I used to regularly walk home from work at 1:00 am. I've never been afraid to live here before. I feel violated.
brigid: drawing of two women, one whispering to the other (me)

Mirrored from Words, words, words, art..

For those of you who don’t know me very well, I have some Hoarding tendencies.

I put “hoarding” with a capital H because it’s not just that I like getting stuff and keeping it near me. I feel safer and more complete when I’m surrounded by crap. This is an issue, I know. It’s especially an issue because we don’t have a huge amount of space, and all this crap collects dust and takes up real estate both physical and mental. Over the past few years, I’ve been paring down on a lot of our crap, which is often a challenge, because Nesko and I are both collectors and are both also completionists.

We also have smart phones that we can read electronic versions of books on, and a hard drive that can hold a lot of electronic books.

So I’ve been purging lately. I currently have 5 cloth grocery sacks full of books that I’m taking to the community center to donate for their next book drive. I sorted through my unmentionables and tossed out a bag full of underpants and pyjamas and socks that are unpleasant. I’m going to rifle through our closet again and toss things. I’m ordering CD/DVD wallets into which all of our CDs, DVDs, and game discs and booklets will be inserted, and all our jewel cases are going OUT THE DOOR.

And then there’s the garbage. Do I really need a giant teetering stack of small cardboard boxes? No. A garbage fall full of plastic grocery sacks? No. Stacks of grocery receipts from ten years ago? No. Homework from when I was in high school? No. So that’s going out the door, too. I managed to harvest a big bag of paper recycling just from my desk top. There are only so many used envelopes I need for note taking, you know?

It’s hard, physically and emotionally, but it’s also liberating.

 

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

brigid: drawing of two women, one whispering to the other (me)

Mirrored from Words, words, words, art..

Nesko watched “Captain America” the other day while I read a book, looking up only to comment on how crappy tiny-Steve-Rogers looked when standing/sitting next to a non-digitally altered person (because I am a jerk like that, but seriously, when they were in the taxi? He looked like a freakish child with a faintly blurred outline. WHAT. HOW. WHY. Fucking Darby O’Gill And The Little People did this better!) Anyway, at the end there’s an ad for the Avengers movie that’s coming out and Thor and Tony Stark were chillin’ and I’m all… you know, they probably have a special Avengers staff person whose entire job is to follow those two around and clean up their drunken messes. Stark’s a fun times alcoholic who could TOTALLY stop ANY TIME HE WANTED TO whoop just gonna go pee in this plant HA HA HA HA HA! FUN! BOOZE IS SO GREAT! And Thor is… a viking God. While we haven’t SEEN him wrestle pigs (yet) you know he’s gonna go there. Shining beacons of humanity, both of them! Actually, my very first thought was “Wow, what a sausage fest!”

Anyway, I’m putting the rest of this behind a cut because I’m going to talk about bugs and anxiety dreams now and I know that’s going to bother some of you.

Read the rest of this entry »

 

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Read the rest of this entry »

brigid: drawing of two women, one whispering to the other (me)

Mirrored from Words, words, words, art..

What has two thumbs and had a full night’s sleep for the first time in a week?

This gal!

What has two thumbs and had a terrifying anxiety dream about a relatively slow paced, laid back job?

This gal!

What has two thumbs and would like to evict large parts of her attacking, self-defeating brain?

This gal!

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

brigid: drawing of two women, one whispering to the other (me)

Mirrored from brigidkeely.com/wordpress.

I do this thing with food that’s kind of weird, where I scrutinize it for mold. Especially bread. Since some bread mold looks like flour (white and powdery), and a lot of the bread I eat is dusted with flour, this means a lot of scrutiny. But I maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE in the face of blue and green mold as well. And red mold. All mold, really. And lest you think I’m just unreasonably paranoid, this constant scrutiny often reveals actual mold. Either I’m just unlucky when it comes to getting moldy food, or else a lot of people are gulping mold and spoiled food down left, right, and center because they aren’t checking.

I wanted a piece of carrot cake last night. If you go to a restaurant and buy a piece of carrot cake, it costs about $3.99-4.99, on average. We were at the grocery store and I picked up a single layer carrot cake for $4.99. I got home, all pleased with myself, with big plans for eating that cake (on the couch while watching Iron Man II). So I get settled in, cake on my plate, fork and everything, and I take a bite. And it tastes good! No raisins, no pineapple, just a carroty taste and walnuts and the cream cheese frosting tastes like cream cheese and not grease. I fork off another bite and I notice a dark spot on the bottom of the cake.

Possibly it is a raisin, even though the cake doesn’t taste raisiny. Possibly it is mold.

I dissected the dark spot and sure enough, mold. Mold on a cake I had purchased THAT DAY. Mold on the bottom of the cake, which a less neurotic person would not have noticed. Mold in my food that I paid good money for.

Nesko confirmed the mold diagnosis, took the plate away, and came back to inform me that the cake’s sell-by date was October 30th. In other words, it was an expired (and moldy) cake that the grocery store was selling for full price.

My CONSTANT VIGILANCE saved us all from a belly full of mold, though. Now to try and convince the store to take the cake back. Luckily, I have nothing but free time so this should be totally easy to do.

(I made a commitment to myself to stop BUYING cookies and just MAKE them instead. Perhaps I should extend that to cakes etc. as well.)

brigid: drawing of two women, one whispering to the other (me)

Mirrored from brigidkeely.com/wordpress.

I’m tired but can’t get to sleep.

I hate having insomnia.

I did, however, seize this chance to write a new Secret Chicago piece, so check it out.

I’m also working on an essay for a contest. It’s 1500 words, completing the thought “I never thought I’d…”

My first thought was “I never thought I’d utter the words “Don’t eat that, it’s no longer food!” ” and then talk about being a parent of a toddler. Then I thought that might be too trite and not inspiring enough, so I’m going to write about how I never thought I’d enjoy math but I had a (female) teacher who didn’t assume I couldn’t do math because I have a vagina, and who encouraged me to tutor other students in Geometry, and now I’m an adult and am tutoring other adult women in basic math so they can get their GEDs, go to college, improve their lives, etc and for the first time in their lives they feel that they CAN do math, they CAN understand it, they CAN use it… that they are smart and can get math things done even though they are lady-types and lady-types suck at math. Math is beautiful and elegant and I wish teachers had SHOWED ME that as a kid.

I might write the “no longer food” essay anyway and post it online someplace.

Problems

Aug. 12th, 2009 03:36 pm
brigid: drawing of two women, one whispering to the other (Default)

Mirrored from brigidkeely.com/wordpress.

I am having a problem leaving the house today.

What is the problem?

The problem is that I’m having a problem leaving the house today.

I have been very stressed out and on edge lately and could really use some actual real honest to goodness time off and I’m not likely to get that for a month at least. I need to leave the house to run errands and the door is very very very far away right now. Or something.

I don’t even know.

Blurgh.

Last weekend was spent entirely doing stuff with Nesko’s family, and it was fun and I’m glad we did it, but it was not down time. This coming weekend will be jam packed with cleaning and painting and minor construction, and it’s going to be very very hot and very humid and there is so much to do and blah blah blah.

  • Share/Bookmark

May 2025

S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
111213 14151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

  • Style: Cozy Blanket for Ciel by nornoriel

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated May. 22nd, 2025 04:21 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios