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I’ve been seeing a little bit of discussion floating around on the intarnutwebizenbloggz lately about “stay at home parents” and how it’s foolish and short sighted to call what a parent who does not work outside of the home does as “work.” Because it’s not! Parenting should be joy and sweetness and light and we should never ever ever make our kids feel they are a burden!
Except here’s the thing.
If you walked up to someone who wasn’t related to you and said “Hey, could you spend 12 or more hours alone with my kid(s) cooking and serving healthful, nutritious meals and snacks; scraping poop off the underside of his nuts; potty training him; cleaning up after him; teaching him colors, numbers, shapes, the alphabet, rhyming songs, and which feet his shoes go on; reading the same book six times in a row; etc PS YOU WILL NOT GET PAID ANY MONEY, you won’t get any sort of health benefits, and you won’t accrue any kind of retirement benefits except a kid who might decide to put you in a crappy home, and society will look at you like a giant sucking leech” they would look at you like you’d lost touch with reality in a very big way.
When stay at home parents tell people they are stay at home parents, unless those people are ALSO stay at home parents, there’s this expectation that the parent staying at home is just goofing off and having fun all day. Perhaps a sofa and bonbons are involved. And don’t get me wrong! I’m a stay at home parent and I love huge chunks of it; vast swaths of it. My kid is HILARIOUS. We sing songs together and dance in the kitchen and he cracks himself up with jokes I don’t understand yet. But I also work really hard trying to prepare him for school and for life, trying to help him become a human being who can function in and contribute to human society.
And people who do that kind of work, whether it’s a stay at home parent or a paid child care provider, are generally treated like crap. Because it’s “just” child care… which HAPPENS to be “woman’s work.” And in the USA, as in many other countries, jobs that are “woman’s work” (like cooking, cleaning, child care, teaching) are shit jobs. They have shit pay, shit benefits, shit hours, shit job security, and no respect. What’s that you say? Teaching is an honorable profession? Ah. That must explain why so many teachers are getting laid off, having their benefits stripped, and expected to work more hours for less pay. There’s no government bailout for our schools but Wall Street? Let’s give them some money and tax breaks while telling teacher’s unions to go screw.
By insisting that parenting isn’t work, parenting is devalued.
The act of washing laundry is work. The act of cooking a meal is work. The act of cleaning a pile of ground up cheerios off the floor is work. Teaching a child the alphabet is work.
It can be enjoyable work! Just like hand crafting a mahogany table, rebuilding a car engine, sculpting a statue, or writing a poem can be work. But it is still work. And how many jobs– how many careers– are there where people are expected to work for nothing more than love?
You can’t eat love. You can’t pay rent with love. You can’t retire on love.
Parenting is hard work that can take your all. It’s stressful. It’s difficult. Sometimes, it’s dangerous. It’s work that is forced upon some people whether they want it or not. It’s frequently enjoyable. But it’s still work. And saying that it isn’t work sets a dangerous precedent that strips parents of dignity and respect and puts children in a dangerous place. Because if we’re not respecting and supporting parents, we aren’t respecting and supporting kids, either. If parenting isn’t work, then new parents don’t really need maternity/paternity leave, do they? Or child care subsidies? Or respite care? Or subsidized insurance? Or WIC? Or La Leche League? Or postpartum support? Because parenting, child care, is all long sweet walks in the park and “got your nose” games and fun sunshine times, right?
Except it’s not.
It’s work. Unpaid, disrespected, difficult, stressful, wonderful, awesome work.
Mirrored from Now Showing!.
