"Messy" vs "Clean"
Jun. 10th, 2023 11:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brigidA friend of mine shares facebook reels sometimes where this woman goes through her kitchen or her living room and it's sped up and she's wiping things down and putting things in containers and cleaning. She does a voice over where she talks about how things get dirty and it doesn't matter how dirty your home is, or how dirty you think it is, it's ok. It doesn't matter HOW it got dirty. There's no shame in having a home that isn't clean. You're not a bad person. Just spend a little time. Set a goal and spend a little time. And when you're done, cheer for yourself. Get that serotonin rush.
He finds it really helpful. I find it encouraging, and I love the attitude of "don't focus on why, that's not important, set a goal and pursue it." Because there's a lot of shame in not being "clean enough," and people so often feel the need to bust out excuses. I'm depressed, I have ADHD, I'm tired, I have arthritis, etc. But ultimately it doesn't matter why. You don't NEED to explain. Drop the shame. Don't let the shame hold you back. Just do what you can, and then celebrate yourself.
What rocked my world recently was a facebook reel - I don't know if it's the same person or not - where she talked about the difference between "messy" and "dirty." She said she has little kids, she and her husband both work and are tired, and the MESS in her home was overwhelming and kept her from CLEANING her home.
What's the difference?
There was a voice over as she cleaned her bathroom counter at 5x speed or whatever. Basically she took all the bottles and lotions and tooth brushes and stuff and moved them to one side of the counter. She wiped down the cleared off section. She shoved everything over to the clean part of the counter and wiped the other side. She put the bottles etc. roughly back where they where. I think she wiped out the sink? And then she was done.
The bathroom counter was cluttered and disorganized, it was messy, but it was CLEAN. She'd wiped it down. She didn't have the energy to organize everything and figure out where it went and put it away so she left it. But she left the counter CLEAN.
And previously she'd have walked into the bathroom, been overwhelmed by the mess, and not cleaned. Because it's a lot! It's a lot to go through each thing, pick it up, look at it, decide where it goes, put it there, etc. It's a lot of decisions and even if you know where everything goes it's still time consuming!
It's way less time consuming to shove everything over, wipe the counter, shove it back, and wipe the other side of the counter. Then you're clean, but messy.
Move the mess, clean, put the mess back. Or put the mess away!
I don't know, I found this really helpful. I mopped the kitchen floor this way yesterday. I cleared half of it, swept and mopped that half, let it dry, moved everything over to that side, swept and mopped the other side, and when it was dry I put the mess (big bags of thing, cardboard boxes of cans, etc.) back where they had been. It's a cluttered mess, albeit a safe one - stuff is tucked away, not in the middle of the floor - but it's a clean cluttered mess. Just having the clean floor, both the accomplishment of it and the look/feel of it, are good. I feel better about things. I'm not saying it inspired me to scrub the entire kitchen down, but I AM going to clean the bathroom counter/shelf thing and sink today using the same technique. Move stuff, clean under it, put it back (or away if I have the energy/motivation to do so).
I think this is an extension of "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing half-assed." You don't have to be perfect. The job doesn't have to be perfect. But the job has to be done and imperfectly is ok. Messy is ok.
It's what I've needed to hear for a while now.
He finds it really helpful. I find it encouraging, and I love the attitude of "don't focus on why, that's not important, set a goal and pursue it." Because there's a lot of shame in not being "clean enough," and people so often feel the need to bust out excuses. I'm depressed, I have ADHD, I'm tired, I have arthritis, etc. But ultimately it doesn't matter why. You don't NEED to explain. Drop the shame. Don't let the shame hold you back. Just do what you can, and then celebrate yourself.
What rocked my world recently was a facebook reel - I don't know if it's the same person or not - where she talked about the difference between "messy" and "dirty." She said she has little kids, she and her husband both work and are tired, and the MESS in her home was overwhelming and kept her from CLEANING her home.
What's the difference?
There was a voice over as she cleaned her bathroom counter at 5x speed or whatever. Basically she took all the bottles and lotions and tooth brushes and stuff and moved them to one side of the counter. She wiped down the cleared off section. She shoved everything over to the clean part of the counter and wiped the other side. She put the bottles etc. roughly back where they where. I think she wiped out the sink? And then she was done.
The bathroom counter was cluttered and disorganized, it was messy, but it was CLEAN. She'd wiped it down. She didn't have the energy to organize everything and figure out where it went and put it away so she left it. But she left the counter CLEAN.
And previously she'd have walked into the bathroom, been overwhelmed by the mess, and not cleaned. Because it's a lot! It's a lot to go through each thing, pick it up, look at it, decide where it goes, put it there, etc. It's a lot of decisions and even if you know where everything goes it's still time consuming!
It's way less time consuming to shove everything over, wipe the counter, shove it back, and wipe the other side of the counter. Then you're clean, but messy.
Move the mess, clean, put the mess back. Or put the mess away!
I don't know, I found this really helpful. I mopped the kitchen floor this way yesterday. I cleared half of it, swept and mopped that half, let it dry, moved everything over to that side, swept and mopped the other side, and when it was dry I put the mess (big bags of thing, cardboard boxes of cans, etc.) back where they had been. It's a cluttered mess, albeit a safe one - stuff is tucked away, not in the middle of the floor - but it's a clean cluttered mess. Just having the clean floor, both the accomplishment of it and the look/feel of it, are good. I feel better about things. I'm not saying it inspired me to scrub the entire kitchen down, but I AM going to clean the bathroom counter/shelf thing and sink today using the same technique. Move stuff, clean under it, put it back (or away if I have the energy/motivation to do so).
I think this is an extension of "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing half-assed." You don't have to be perfect. The job doesn't have to be perfect. But the job has to be done and imperfectly is ok. Messy is ok.
It's what I've needed to hear for a while now.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-10 04:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-06-11 12:27 am (UTC)There was an awesome cleaner on Facebook who did free cleanings for people who needed it (whether they had physical disabilities and/or mental health struggles) - she did very quick reels showing cleans of what looked like truly heartbreaking circumstances - and she was always non-judgmental, explaining that life sometimes doesn't allow for people to keep up. She was amazing, but she stopped updating earlier this year, to my disappointment.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-12 08:31 pm (UTC)In between migraines this weekend I did a lot of picking up and tidying and I feel so much better. My house is still cluttered, but there are no more cat fur tumbleweeds (they'll be back in a couple days) and there's less clutter. Good enough.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 05:17 pm (UTC)Or I come in, move shit, wipe shit down, and move it back.
We have the same problem with vacuuming. If I'm overwhelmed I'll just vacuum down the middle, whatever I can reach without moving shit. He wants to totally deconstruct and re-construct the room. And it is infuriating because he feels this needs to be a two person process.
Sorry for venting at you. Apparently I need to find that woman's videos and play them over and over in his sleep.